Between DVRs, DVDs and daily ODs on cough syrup, today’s kids can pretty much raise themselves. Of course, you won’t find advice like that from the American Academy of Pediatrics, an anti-adult organization firmly in the pocket of Big Baby. Instead of heeding their cries for turning America into a child-welfare state, we need some straight talk to combat the curveballs thrown by those who go gaga over baby talk.

If senior citizens wanted to serve as footrests, or stand in corporate lobbies as experimental artwork, I’d be the first one to put my feet up, admire the view and applaud their work. But the reality is far more insidious, and the time to respect our elders has passed.