This story is from the New York Times and covers my "favorite" former Brewer Matt Wise and his proclivity for being a putz. The best line?
“I should know better than to get into a fight with salad tongs,” said Wise, who says he is not a klutz so much as he is unlucky. “You always lose those.”
Matt. You're a klutz. Deal with it. Embrace it. You have at least 3 highly publicized idiotic injuries (and how many more you made sure didn't get out?) - aside from the salad tongs, you literally walked into the overhang of the dugout and gave yourself a concussion and you injured your arm on a "slippery" railing.
Take it from the self-proclaimed Queen on Midwestern Klutz's - the first step to rectifying the issue is admitting there's a problem.
(Random aside - but with Junkins and Matt Wise and Johnny Estrada gone - who am I going to hate this year? Is it possible that I might be able to have a season in which I don't loathe at least one member of the team?)
This is Deadspin's Brewers preview written by a Brewer fan who edits New York magazine's culture blog Vulture.
Written from the perspective of a totally clueless Ned Yost, it includes these gems:
The fact is, it's mostly our fans' fault that we couldn't pull the division out. Our team is young, and the fans put a lot of pressure on the players to do things they're just not capable of doing. For instance, the fans really get on Derrick Turnbow over simple things like ever throwing strikes. As I've said before, I wish everyone would just leave the kid alone.
If it isn't our fans' fault, it's definitely Bill Hall's fault. All I asked that kid to do was switch from the infield to center field, then benched him twice when he was hitting poorly. Then platooned him. Then benched him for a month. You know what I always say: team MVP in 2006? I don't give two fucks. What have you done for me lately, besides switching positions and playing hurt?
The whole thing isn't that long and any good Brewer fan will get a chuckle out of it.
Plus, if you want to feel really bad about being a Brewer fan - read the comments. Worth the time for the laugh and also that lovable loser feeling you'll be left with at the end.
A Fire Ned Yost website was probably inevitable : so here it is.