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Thursday, Jan. 14, 2010

Splish, Splash: Female Ejaculation and Watersports

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I have a question about an activity I want to do with my wife of 16 years. Not long ago, I was using a rather large dildo on her. She was standing, which was not the normal way for us to do dildo play. Several times I removed the dildo completely and, when I did, there was a significant amount of clear fluid that came out. It seemed like it would have been enough to fill a shot glass. I am sure it was not pee, and it turned me on incredibly. She let me drink it.

I am very interested in doing this again, and all I know is that this was one of the most erotic things I have ever done. I have asked her if she would pee in my mouth, but she's reluctant. Have you heard of this and do you have any comments?

In my mind, there are two separate questions being asked here. The first is about female ejaculation, and the second is about incorporating urine into erotic play, which is often called watersports or piss play.

It is likely that the clear fluid that you saw was female ejaculate, which sometimes appears when a woman's G-spot is stimulated. Many sex educators believe that the G-spot is actually a collection of glands surrounding the urethra that is sometimes called the urethral sponge. These glands are analogous to the prostate gland in men. Like the prostate, the urethral sponge becomes engorged with fluid during sexual arousal, and if these glands are stimulated, some women will release ejaculate from the urethra.

Because most of us are not taught that women can ejaculate, some women who release fluid through the urethra during sex are afraid that they've urinated. You're correct when you didn't think it was urine; from what we know, female ejaculate is similar to fluid produced by the prostate, and there's no harm in drinking it, the same way that there's no harm in ingesting semen, as long as the people involved are free of sexually transmitted infections.

The position that you're describing—a woman standing and being entered from behind by a penis or dildo—can be a good one for G-spot stimulation. The urethral sponge is located near the front wall of the vagina, so if you are penetrating a female partner from behind and angling a penis or dildo toward the front of her body, you can put some pleasurable pressure on the G-spot. Angle is key, so experiment and see what feels good.

Regarding watersports, some people enjoy either being urinated on or having a partner urinate in their mouth as part of sex play. Since urine is sterile, this is a relatively low-risk activity, unless the person doing the peeing has a urinary tract infection or an STI. For some people, the appeal of piss play is its taboo nature, but this can make it a turnoff for others. If your wife is concerned that urinating on you poses a health risk or that this activity might be "too weird," you can reassure her that neither of these things is true. There was a whole “Sex and the City” episode that revolved around a boyfriend of Carrie's who wanted her to pee on him, so it can't be that unusual! However, if she is reluctant because she finds it to be a turnoff or because it pushes her boundaries a bit too much, I think it's important to respect her feelings about that.

Want Laura to answer your questions in SEXpress? Send them to laura@shepex.com. Not all questions received will be answered in the column, and Laura cannot provide personal answers to questions that do not appear here. Questions sent to this address may be reproduced in this column, both in print and online, and may be edited for clarity and content.

Laura Anne Stuart has a master’s degree in public health and has worked as a sexuality educator for more than a decade. She owns the Tool Shed, an erotic boutique on Milwaukee’s East Side.