Alongside the wheel and the Snuggie, the Internet is one of mankind’s greatest inventions. Much like the wheel varies from little red wagons to big red Ferraris, the Internet service provider you choose can make a world of difference. You’ve selected Time Warner Cable to feed your need for speed, with service up to 100 times faster than dial-up. Since the complexities of computer technology can be difficult to grasp, let’s put this in terms we all understand: Compared to Britney’s exes, dial-up is Kevin Federline; Time Warner Cable is Justin Timberlake. Enough said.

Time Warner Cable
1-800-627-2288

Runners-up:AT&T, CompuServe