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Monday, Nov. 12, 2007

Get Over It, Will Ya?

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Fortunately for myself and my ne`er-do-wells, the book Seven Winning Strategies and the Ultimate Resource Guide for Getting Over It in Milwaukee (Caritas Communication), by psychotherapist Sheila Robinson, contains keys to, yes, moving on—even after complex, life-altering relationship breakups.

If you are really trying to get over it or someone, how can a book help you?

It helps in two ways. First the book offers seven strategies that won`t take a ton of thought and preparation. They are common-sense things; places to go, things to do. It also answers questions, like wondering how and if you can get back in the groove of things. You can and you will laugh while doing it.

What was the impetus for your writing this book, and what surprised you?

There were a few. Personal experience of course, and what friends of mine were going through, and professional experiences that all seemed to have the same element of marriages and relationships failing. I understood that people just wanted to feel better and move on. I just wanted to wrap resources around that. I was surprised by how open people have been about their personal stories.

You talk about Milwaukee like you love it. Why?

This is a great city to spread your wings, explore, grow a business and experience life. It`s not too big; that`s a plus. Milwaukee embraces new thoughts and ideas, and there are tons of hidden jewels here and more of a village than a city. If you are serious about it [success] people are accessible, you just have to do it. What you put in is what you get out of it.

Women seem to have to do all the legwork here. Are many men interested in your book? Shouldn`t they have to participate in the "getting over it" process?

I`d say there is interest. Men have purchased the book. Generally men and women deal with and handle stress differently. Men tend to check out (emotionally and physically) and turn inward. Women find solace in conversation and in the company of others, and are more likely to "do the work" and find resources. But yes, this is a book for men and women.

Why are many so African-American women in Milwaukee single and looking?

It is for the same reason women in New York or California are. It`s a process; like musical chairs. You do the dance until someone comes along. And women in general are finding out that they don`t have to settle for the first one that comes around, and have the luxury of taking their time to find out what they really want.

How the does the bad relationship cycle end?

People go from A right to Z these days; the middle part is sorely lacking. They`re dating for a few months and expect one or the other to do their laundry too. Courtship takes time. We want freedom and independence, as well as security and nurturing. Things are out of whack; wanting the best of both worlds. I urge people to slow down. Spend more time becoming the person you want to date. Cultivate those qualities in yourself. Also, stop and be realistic. One person isn`t going to be everything for you that you aren`t being for yourself. People sometimes just don`t hear the truth.

What exactly is your truth?

You never find peace and happiness with someone else until you find peace and happiness in you. My truth is that everything you experience in life is a mirror reflection of who and what you are. Learning and embracing the experience allows us to see red flags sooner. I don`t screw around with red flags. I pray a lot and when I see something, a red flag, I act on it.

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