Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Bank Robbing 101

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According to police, first-time bank robber Jason Durant, 32, reported to a hospital in New Milford, Conn., shortly after stealing money from the National Iron Bank in April. As Durant fled the crime scene, he accidentally tumbled down a steep hill behind the bank, losing control of his stash and his gun during the fall. He broke one of his legs in several places and, at the bottom of the hill, suffered cuts after crashing into a plow blade. By the time he dragged his bleeding, broken body to his getaway car, he only had $2 left from the robbery. Shortly thereafter, hospital staff members became suspicious of his injuries and notified police.

The Entrepreneurial Spirit!

  • Physician Geoffrey Hart, working with a grant from the National Institutes of Health, recently developed the PediSedate headgear to get kids to inhale nitrous oxide while playing video games in medical waiting rooms, thus knocking them out. According to Hart’s company, this could “dramatically improve the hospital or dental experience for the child, parents and health-care providers.” The helmet contains sophisticated sensors to monitor the dosages and effects on the child.

  • Manliness: (1) The Redneck Yacht Club, which opened in February near Naples, Fla., consists of an 800-acre mud pit designed to allow drivers to frolic in customized off-road vehicles for $30. One mechanic told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune in April that he had spent $15,000 fixing up his rig, with 6-foot-high tires and a skull ornament. His review: “This place is kick-butt.” (2) For Germany’s Father’s Day in May, the Panzer Fun Driving School in Brandenburg suggested sending fathers to the school to learn how to drive one of its 13 Soviet armored vehicles. For an extra fee, patrons would be allowed to ram their tanks over an old car.

  • Confusing Business Model: Police arrested Patrick Ellison, Frank Mack and Edie Wells in Dalton, Ga., in April after a joint venture in which alleged prostitute Wells knocked on a man’s door and offered him sex. When the man declined, Ellison and Mack arrived and forced the man to accept Wells’ services. Following the sex, the three departed with the man’s money and credit cards.

Undignified Deaths

Difficult Times for Funeral Eulogists:

(1) A 54-year-old man was found dead after suffering a heart attack in a pornography video booth at the Beate Uhse sex shop in Cologne, Germany, in December.

(2) A 42-year-old comedian (and owner of a comedy club in Blackburn, England) was accidentally asphyxiated in April inhaling laughing gas while viewing computer pornography.


Good to Know

A case report in a recent issue of the journal Emergency Medicine Australasia described the successful removal of a leech from an eyeball. A 66-year-old woman, gardening in her back yard in Sydney, Australia, had accidentally flicked some soil that contained the leech into her eye. By the time a surgeon could extract the leech, it had roughly tripled its body size by feeding on the eyeball’s blood vessels. The key to the removal proved to be a few drops of saline solution.

c. 2009 Chuck Shepherd