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Friday, Oct. 10, 2008

Help Wanted

Sports in Real Life

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Milwaukee area professional baseball club has multiple openings. Great opportunity. Seven months a year, winters off. (An occasional October, perhaps every 30 years or so.) A wonderful work environment, spring in Arizona, summers around the country to virtually every major city. While in Milwaukee you have an option of a roof, depending on the weather.

Seeking qualified right fielder: Requirements: Three years of either AAA or AA ball. Must be able to catch, throw, and not choke during a pennant drive. Players with ability to lay off pitches out of the strike zone, and swing with more authority than an 80-year old, will be given serious consideration.

Also seeking second baseman: Requirements: Perfunctory ability to field, especially simple throws while covering first base. Preference will be given to player who can lead off, and perhaps get on base occasionally.

Looking for skilled center fielder: The franchise is looking for a player who is more than a 'leader' on paper. Preference will be given to players who can keep the ball in their gloves and get a nice jump on the ball at least once a game. Player who watches three strikes down the middle of the plate will not be considered.

First baseman: We aren't concerned with what you eat, as long as you're producing.

Third base: Accepting applications from just about anyone with a heartbeat. Minimal errors are preferred and the ability to hit right handed pitching, at least your weight.

Team also seeking a manager: Preference will be given to a candidate who has a modicum of personality, is able to deal with a soft media contingency without being caustic.

Please apply in person or send email. We are an Equal Employment Opportunity. No phone calls.

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