Pyromaniacs rejoice! Your high holy day is here! It’s Independence Day! The only occasion that facilitates (dare I say encourages?) the combination of explosives and alcohol consumption is upon us. The jewel in Mother Nature’s beach hat, July Fourth is certainly a reason to celebrate in Wisconsin. And, damn it, we know how to do it right! We’re loud and proud when it comes to Fourth of July festivities in our state.
From jaw-dropping fireworks to twist-and-shout concerts, Cheese Heads are not likely to shy away from a rowdy, fun-loving July Fourth. Whether knocking a few back at home, hitting a public park or taking in any of the many fireworks displays, be sure to live it up and celebrate the day your way.
Until then, let’s pop open a cold one (or seven) and read a letter from someone looking to patch up a few holes in her relationship…literally.
Dear Ruthie,
When I met my girlfriend she had five piercings. As of today, she has 13. THIRTEEN! I have two. She is planning on getting more. She says at least five. I have a few worries, like is this becoming an addiction? Secondly, this is a turnoff for me. I don’t like all of these piercings. They don’t turn me on, like she thinks they do, and they have the opposite effect on me. I’m older (48), and maybe I just don’t get it.
Thoughts?
Pure and Pretty
Dear Purity,
Piercings…addiction…your age…WTF? What are you asking me, chica? Don’t like your lady’s holes? Either tell her or shut yours. If you have issues with her hole-y ways, talk to her and let her know you’d like her to cool it with the piercings. If you’re finding yourself less attracted to her, I’m guessing your relationship wasn’t that strong to begin with, sugar.
UPCOMING EVENTS:
July 3: Dead Man’s Carnival at Miramar Theatre (2844 N. Oakland Ave.): I met this outrageously entertaining troupe while performing at the Bay View Bash, and I have to say that their act is not to be missed! Part rockabilly, part sideshow and part gymnastic Xanadu, this full-bodied funhouse combines great music with magic, mayhem and mischief. Billed as “The Greatest Show Un-Earthed,” the insanity starts at 8:30 p.m. (doors open at 7). Tickets start at $15. Visit brownpapertickets.com.
July 3: Milwaukee Lakefront Fireworks at Veterans Park (1010 N. Lincoln Memorial Drive): Considered by many to be the best of the best, this fireworks display lights up the lakefront with red, white and blue brilliance once again. Get ready to “Ooo and ahh” during this explosive dusk event.
July 4: Lake Park Talent Show and Fireworks (3233 E. Kenwood Blvd.): Longtime Milwaukee favorite John McGivern hosts this down-home delight that’s sure to put a little spark in your Independence Day step. The free 1 p.m. show is open to all ages, but email janueb@aol.com if you’d like to participate. Enjoy the park until the famous firework presentation at 9:15 p.m.
July 4: Tosa Tonight Concert Featuring The BriTins at Rotary Park Performance Pavilion (6867 W. State St.): What better way to celebrate the birth of America than with a Beatles tribute band! The BriTins bring their brand of shaggy-haired excitement to this summer concert series. Bring a lawn chair or blanket and get ready to shake it up, baby! Food, beer and more available for purchase before, during and after the 7 p.m. concert. All-American fireworks to follow the show.
July 6: Texas Hold ’Em Tournament at Hybrid Lounge (707 E. Brady St.): Kick off the workweek with a free poker tournament at this Brady Street hotspot. Arrive early to register for the 6:30 p.m. tournament, and enjoy drink specials on Miller Lite and craft beers.
July 7: Opening Night of ‘Motown the Musical’ at Marcus Center for the Performing Arts (929 N. Water St.): Take in the story of music mogul Berry Gordy during this incredible production that’s sure to get your toes tapping with some of the hottest songs in American history. From the Jackson 5 to Diana Ross, Motown launched the careers of some of country’s biggest stars. Don’t miss the chance to see this amazing show as it takes over Milwaukee through July 12. Visit marcuscenter.org for tickets.
Want to tell Ruthie about an event? Email DearRuthie@Shepex.com. Catch her web series at ruthiesbitchinkitchen.com, and learn about her charity at ruthieskennelclub.org.
