On the 13th day of Christmas, Ms. Ruthie gave to me: 13 Apple-Tinis, 12 Chippendales, 11 poppers popping, 10 trailer trashers, nine Drag Queens dragging, eight twinks-a-twerking, seven drunks-a-drinking, six Kardashians dying, five pairs of Spanx! Four hot bartenders, three Sizzler specials, two Wal-Mart greeters and a black-velvet painting of me! I just want to say, merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from my trailer park to yours!
Dear Ruthie,
My partner decided to try drag. I don’t have an issue with this except for one thing—he sucks. He appeared in a Christmas show, and he was so bad, it hurt. He doesn’t look passable and he doesn’t remember his words. He thinks he’s a diva. He even talked about cutting back hours at work to do more drag. Basically, I want to know how to break it to him that this isn’t a good thing for him to pursue.
—Skeptical
Dear Skeptical,
Tell ’em to break a heel or keep your lipstick shut! Recommend that he not decrease hours at his paying job to take nonpaid drag bookings, but otherwise be supportive. After all, who is he hurting? Maybe he’s not as good as you’d like him to be right now. Maybe he’ll get better with time…maybe not. If you’re truly into this lash-loving dude, however, it’s important to show your support. Give him some constructive feedback if he asks for it (and that’s a big “if”) but otherwise cheer him on from the sassy sidelines for the time being.
December 24: ‘A Christmas Story’ Eve at UberDork Café (N89 W16750 Appleton Ave, Suite A): Ring in the holidays with the gang at this coffee shop, eatery, gaming stop and crafting haven. Between 11:30 a.m. and 2:30 p.m., they’ll view the movie A Christmas Story and serve Chinese food. Come dressed as the character Scut Farkus or show up in your bunny jammies to enjoy free Ovaltine!
December 24: ‘A Christmas Carol’ at The Pabst Theater (144 E. Wells St.): I can’t think of a better way to spend Christmas Eve than with the Ghosts of Christmas Past and Future (unlike Halloween, which I spent alongside the skeletons in my closet). Performances at noon and 4:30 p.m. help you create a heartwarming holiday to remember.
December 27: The All-Black Affair at Wisconsin Center (400 W. Wisconsin Ave.): Featuring R&B icons Teddy Riley, Dave Hollister and Blackstreet, this year’s All-Black Affair (ABA) promises to be one for the books. Get your ABA tickets early for the 8 p.m. event via eventbrite.com. General admission tickets are $35, with private tables starting at $220. Grab your favorite black suit, tuxedo, dress or gown as the dress code requires black garb (minus accessories) and no gym shoes.
December 31: Milwaukee Perks New Year’s Eve Bash at Best Western Plus (5105 S. Howell Ave.): Join my gal-pal Leigh McNabb (of 103.7 KISS FM) and my sugar-booger Mike Wickett (of 105.7 Sports Radio) as they host the most outrageous all-in-one New Year’s party in Brew City. Tickets include food stations at 8 p.m., free beer, wine and soda, a DJ and dancing, a balloon drop, complimentary champagne and midnight snacks, access to brunch the following day and so much more! See getmyperks.com for ticket packages and hotel reservations.
December 31 to January 2: 39 Consecutive Hours at Harbor Room (117 E. Greenfield Ave.): Looking for a party this New Years? Stop by this local leather bar anytime! After all, the bar will be open, nonstop, from 11 a.m. on New Year’s Eve until 2 a.m. on Jan. 2. Hopefully the staff will have plenty of NoDoz on hand to keep the party pumping from morning till night and back again! Giddy up, fellas!
December 31 to January 11: ‘Valley of the Dolls’ at Off the Wall Theatre (127 E. Wells St.): What happens when Hollywood starlets succumb to sex and drugs in the ’60s? Find out during this hilarious parody, starring Jeremy Welter as Neely O’Hara, Maple Veneer as Helen Lawson and me, Dear Ruthie, as Anne Welles. The R-rated comedy is directed by local legend Dale Gutzman. Audience members receive a free bag of “dolls” to pop with the actors on stage, but seats are selling fast. See offthewalltheatre.com or call the box office at 414-484-8874 for tickets.
Have a question for Ruthie or want to tell her about an event? Email DearRuthie@Shepex.com. Be sure to “friend” her on Facebook (Ruthie Keester) and follow her on Twitter (@DearRuthie).
