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Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Chuck Shepherd's News of The Weird

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Toilet Training  

Enric Girona recently donated his prototype pet commode to the town of El Vendrell, Spain, hoping to spark worldwide interest. Conscientious owners would train their dogs on the station—a hole in the ground with a flush handle—which is connected to the sewer system, as is the drain grid next to it (for tinkling). The platform, which appears to occupy about 20 square feet of surface, is self-cleaning (although not too clean, said Girona, because dogs are more easily lured with a lingering scent). Spain is already one of the world’s toughest on lazy owners who fail to scoop up after their pets, with fines in El Vendrell as high as the equivalent of $1,000, and in Madrid and Barcelona, $2,000.                                    

 

Took It Too Far  

■ The Japanese snack company Calbee recently staged a promotion around popular singer Nana Mizuki, giving away 10 backstage passes to her Aug. 3 concert in Yokohama to the purchasers of 10 lucky bags of secretly marked potato chips. Her perhaps-hugest fan, Kazuki Fukumoto, 25, was so determined to win one that by the time he was arrested for littering in May, he had bought and dumped 89 cartons of potato chip packages, weighing more than 400 pounds, that were found at six locations around the cities of Kobe and Akashi. Police estimate he had spent the equivalent of about $3,000.      

■ Took It Way Too Far: Britain’s news website metro.co.uk, combing Facebook pages, located a full photo array from prominent 23-year-old German body art enthusiast Joel Miggler, whose various piercings and implants are impressive enough, but whose centerpieces are the portholes in each cheek that expose the insides of his mouth. (With customized plugs, he can seal the portholes when soup is on the menu.) The holes are currently 36 millimeters wide, but he was said to be actively cheek-stretching, aiming for 40 millimeters. Miggler assures fans that his mother likes “most” of his modifications and that the worst aspect so far is merely that he is forced to take smaller bites when eating. (News of the Weird has reported on researchers creating portholes in cows’ stomachs, but still...)                                              

 

Can’t Possibly Be True    

■  Until the New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo and Legislature addressed the problem recently, it was legal in the state for narcissistic animal owners to force their dogs and cats to endure permanent, decorative tattoos and piercings.

■ A Davenport, Iowa, jury convicted terminal-cancer patient Benton Mackenzie, 48, in July on four marijuana-growing felonies, even though his purpose was to harvest cannabis oil to treat his bloody lesions and the grapefruit-sized tumor on his buttocks. The judge had barred Mackenzie and his lawyer from even mentioning the illness in court—because of a 2005 Iowa precedent (even though the Iowa legislature has subsequently allowed medical marijuana to treat seizures). Mackenzie's wife, his 73-year-old parents, his son and a friend were also charged with assisting Mackenzie’s “operation” (though Mackenzie was almost surely the only “customer”). Mackenzie, who testified and was, of course, sworn to tell “the whole truth,” said he was “flabbergasted” to learn that “the whole truth” excludes anything about his illness.

■ Municipal engineers in the town of Melton Mowbray, England, were called out in July to fix a lingering sewer overrun caused by, they discovered, “hundreds” of tennis balls that had apparently each been flushed down toilets. Said the project manager, “We expect [blockages from] fats and baby wipes, but....”           

                                             

Unclear on the Concept    

A 60-year-old man with a blood clot has recovered, but no thanks to the driver for the South Western Ambulance Service who was ferrying him on a long trip to the emergency room of Derriford Hospital in Plymouth, England, on April 6. The patient's family later reported that the driver had stopped en route to pick up two hitchhikers—one a young woman in a “skimpy skirt”—and take them to an on-the-way town. The patient, in pain with his toes starting to blacken, eventually had his blood flow restored and did not lose the leg. He reported that the two riders were friendly and wanted to chat about his condition (though he was in no mood).                             

 

© 2014 CHUCK SHEPHERD