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Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Summer Sun Shines Bright on this Redhead

ruthie
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It’s hard to believe June is almost over. I don’t know about you, but I loved both days of summer this year. On the bright side Independence Day is just around the corner! Hooray!

Ah…July Fourth! The only holiday that combines two of America’s favorite pastimes—explosives and alcohol consumption. You see, Independence Day is a high-holy day at my home in the Rusty Nail Trailer Park (aka God’s blind spot). A lack of fireworks never stopped my neighbors and me. We’d simply fill a few pairs of pantyhose with red, white and blue Jell-o and drop them off the top off a neighboring office building. The hose hit the pavement and “blam-o!” Instant firework. Yes, they’re on the ground and not in the air, and yes, my legs are sticky for days afterward, but it’s fun, and damn it, that’s all that counts. Now, let’s celebrate summer, shall we?

 

Dear Ruthie,

My girlfriend and I became wife and wife when the marriage ban was lifted. We are going to celebrate with a reception no matter what, but having been together for 13 years, we don’t need gifts. How can we emphasize that guests save money and don’t buy wedding presents?

Thanks!
Gift-less Gal

 

Dear Gal,

A few things, sweetie: 1) Shut the hell up; 2) You’re going to get gifts no matter what; and 3) Shut the hell up. Tell your guests that in lieu of gifts, they should make a donation to the ACLU of Wisconsin or another charity dear to your heart. Or, suggest guests inspire you by jotting down some marital advice. (Saving the notes of advice will make a wonderful keepsake for years!) In the end, however, you’re going to get gifts because that’s what wedding guests do. That said, enjoy the gifts, enjoy the day…and shut the hell up.  

 

Ruthie’s Summer Suggestions

 

June 25: “Little Night Out” Summer Concert Series at Tosa Tonight (68th and State streets): It’s simple! Show up each month at the designated outdoor concert, find the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center banner, and party with old faces and new friends…or in my case, old friends with new faces. The series kicks off at Tosa Tonight, featuring The Russo Brothers and 5 Card Stud playing 6 to 9:30 p.m. Bring a snack to share, lace up your dancing shoes and punch my dance card all night long. (If that sounded dirty, it was meant to!)

 

June 26: Ruthie’s Kennel Club HamBingo at Hamburger Mary’s (2130 S. Kinnickinnic Ave.): Have dogs? Love pussies? (That was not meant to sound dirty.) Come see what Milwaukee’s talking about as we play 10 bawdy games of bingo, raising money for local animal-related charities. I’ll be on hand to yank the balls at 8 p.m. and award prizes—some valued at $200!

 

June 26: Lady Gaga’s ARTPOP Ball at Marcus Amphitheater (200 N. Harbor Drive): Saddle up, you little monsters, because America’s pop princess is back in Brew Town. The diva brings her brand of fabulousness to the Summerfest line up, and it’s sure to be the talk of the town for weeks to come. Tickets to the 7:30 p.m. concert can be purchased via numerous venues, but be sure to get them from a dealer that offers free access to the Summerfest grounds as well.

 

June 28: Bay View Art in the Park at Zillman Park (2168 S. Kinnickinnic Ave.): Don’t have tickets to Gaga? You can still get your art on at this new event sure to sweep Bay View. Featuring the state’s up-and-coming artists, this informal afternoon delight offers great pieces at affordable prices. Support this fantastic new series that runs 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.

 

June 28: “All Jacked Up” Drag Review at Captain Dix, Rainbow Valley Resort (4124 River Road, Wisconsin Dells): Need to get away? Take a road trip to the Rainbow Valley Resort! Check in for the night or simply enjoy a steak dinner and a few cocktails, but don’t miss the 10 p.m. drag show. It stars several of the top “up nort’” girls!

 

July 2: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts at Uline Warehouse, Summerfest (200 N. Harbor Drive): The out-and-about singer spreads her kick-ass style through Milwaukee via the Summerfest grounds. Seeing Joan Jett is one for the books, so buy a few Summerfest tickets, and don’t miss her belt out those hardcore hits we all love. Joanie takes the stage at 9:30 p.m.

 

Have a question for Ruthie? Drop her a line at DearRuthie@Shepex.com.