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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Spice Up Your Week with Pre-Pride Antics

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Pride Month is nearly here, and if you’re anything like me, you’re moist with anticipation. (And at my age, I’m moist where I used to be dry and dry where I used to be moist.) Ah, pride month: The music! The parties! The men! The fest! The parade! The men! What else? Beer! Corn dogs!  Men! And uhm…uhm…exclamation points!

We’ve got to muddle through this week, however, before the festivities begin. Luckily, there are plenty of happenings until the high-holy week of Homo holidays. That said, take a look at my social calendar and see if anything fires your pocket rocket, and then let’s read a letter about a nosey neighbor.

UPCOMING EVENTS

May 28: “Rock Her World” Pleasure Class at The Tool Shed (2427 N. Murray Ave.): Learn the art of lady love from acclaimed sex educator Midori. Yep—she’s got one name, like Cher…or Charo. Packed with tricks and tips, hints and how-tos, this $30 class offers practice props of the fruity variety to make you the coochie master you always dreamed you’d be. Visit toolshedtoys.com for tickets and details.

May 30: Lezy Dezy & Roxie Beane at Art Bar (722 E. Burleigh): Never heard of Lezy Dezy? (That’s fun to say…Leeezzzzzy Deeezzzzy.) Now you can sample the songstress before she hits PrideFest. Hear why her acoustic appeal made her a Riverwest favorite as she belts it out from 9 p.m. to midnight.

May 30: “Ruthie’s Three-Girls-Three” at Hamburger Mary’s (2130 S. Kinnicknnic Ave.): Start the weekend with a laugh during two comedy drag shows, hosted by me! My special guests, Trixe Mattel and Jaymes Mansfield, promise to tickle your funny bone(r) with shows at 8 p.m. and adults-only at 9:30 p.m. Stay for one show or come for both, but be sure to call 414-988-9324 for reservations. Round out the night with karaoke hosted by cutie-pie Chad at 10:15 p.m.

May 31: City of Festivals Men’s Chorus Spring Concert at Plymouth Church UCC (2717 E. Hampshire St.): I love a man with a good set of lungs, and these boys are sure to satisfy! Their special concert of “Naked Man” is in cooperation with Perfect Harmony Men’s Chorus of Madison. The concert focuses on how the LGBT community has persevered and what struggles lie ahead. Tickets for the 7:30 p.m. performance, as well as information on a Madison program, are available via perfectharmonychorus.org.

June 1: West Allis a la Carte (Downtown West Allis): Get your keester in the car and haul ass to Stallis for a food fest of epic proportions. Hundreds of vendors combined with live music make this event better than my Cudahy honeymoon. Nosh your way through Downtown West Allis from noon to 6 p.m. (West Allis has a Downtown? Who knew?!)

 

Dear Ruthie,

I recently moved my lover into my condo, and I was surprised by my neighbor’s reaction. The elderly lady who always greeted me with a smile, asked about my job and delivered home-baked cookies regularly, turned into an annoyance who is clearly unhappy that “this new one” has moved in. She rarely says hi anymore and scowls when he is around.

When I introduced the two, she said she was surprised I needed a “roommate.” I’m disappointed by her reaction. I don’t know if she’s homophobic or what. I never really came out to her, so maybe she’s figured things out and isn’t liking it. Should I approach her or what?

 

(Signed)

Neighborly Nate

 

Dear Nate,

The answer is simple: Push her down the stairs. Then, you can buy her condo, tear down the walls and make a super-duper living space for you and your boy toy. No, no, no! That won’t work. Not only does it sound like a lot of paperwork, but there’s that whole fire-and-brimstone drama you’re stuck with for eternity.

Listen, sugar, you’ve got a few options: Either forget about the old dame and live your life; take her aside and ask her if there is a problem; or come out to her and explain that “the new one” is a special person in your life and you hope she respects that. Keep in mind that she may value your friendship and now feel threatened by a new presence. If nothing helps, tell the old dame to go screw herself and enjoy your new life with your love!

 

Have a question for Ruthie? Simply email her at DearRuthie@Shepex.com.