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Sunday, May 4, 2014

Let’s Have a Spring Fling!

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May Day may have come and gone, but spring events are bursting out all over for Milwaukee’s LGBT Community. Whether you like to dress up or drag down, keep it classy or take it trashy, hit the open road or paint the town red, there’s enough going on in the land of beer and cheese to satisfy any appetite. Let’s review this week’s social calendar, and then we’ll read an email from a woman who’s about to go postal on her stinky co-workers.

 

UPCOMING EVENTS

 

May 8: MasQUEERade at the UW-Milwaukee Union (2200 E. Kenwood Blvd.): It’s UWM’s first annual LGBT prom! The theme is masquerade, so bring a mask and note that black-tie/cocktail-party attire is encouraged but not required. The doors open at 8 p.m., and the prom is free and open to the public. “Free and open to the public,” huh? That’s what the boys used to call my cousin Gloria.

 

May 9: TGIF at Hamburger Mary’s (2130 S. Kinnickinnic Ave.): Hosted by Milwaukee’s LGBT Community Center, these regular events are free to anyone who wants to have good times, meet new people and praise Baby Jesus that another crap-tacular work week is in the can. Organizers chose Hamburger Mary’s for this swanky sociable, so call your gal pals or best buds and knock a few back from 5:30 to 7 p.m.

 

May 10: HIT Bowling Casino Run to Four Winds Casino (leaving AMF Bowling Alley at 10901 W. Lapham St.): Grab your quarters, bingo daubers and lucky troll dolls, because the crew from HIT (Holiday Invitational Tournament) invites you to a fabu field trip to Four Winds Casino in New Buffalo, Mich. For $45, you receive $15 in free play, a $10 food coupon and round-trip transportation. The disco bus departs at 9 a.m., arrives at the casino at 12:30 p.m. and heads back to brew city at 6:30 p.m. Register by calling 414-477-6565.

 

May 10: Miltown Kings’ “Family Values Roadshow” at Miramar Theatre (2844 N. Oakland Ave.): Well, stuff my undies and glue pubes to my face, but the stud muffins in this turn-about show are really gals! The company of this drag-tastic night puts the “fun” in “dysfunctional” with the 18+ show that promises all the naughty amusement for only $8. If you don a Sunday hat or a suit, however, the gang will knock a buck off the cover charge. Doors open at 9 p.m. for a night of drag kings, laughter, starlets and more. (Say, Betty, is that a pickle in your pants or are you just happy to see me?)

 

May 11: Castaways M.C. Club Event at Kruz (354 E. National Ave.): Leather harness? Check. Nipple rings? Check. Ball gag? Check. Looks like I’m ready for Mother’s Day! But seriously, I’m all set to dive into a sea of sweaty men, enjoying some not-so-innocent day drinking. One of Milwaukee’s finest leather clubs hosts the afternoon at Kruz, one of Milwaukee’s finest watering holes! It’s a match made in heaven…or hell, if that’s what you’re into. Ask Sir if you can partake in the $8 beer bust, and then join the manly-man good times from 3 to 7 p.m.

 

Dear Ruthie,

Co-workers. How do you deal with them? I work with 27 people, and I HATE all of them. They’re all stuck up, sh*t-for-brains a-holes with f*cking bad breath, snotty attitudes and stupid ideas. I hate them, but I can’t afford to quit. What should I do?

—Sick-and-Tired Sue

 

Dear Susie,

You sound like a lovely, pleasant woman of today…just like Bruce Jenner. You hate all of them? And they all have bad breath (if so, someone should clean the coffee maker). You clearly need to get out of that situation, so be prepared to step back in your career if it means happier days.

I hate saying it, but you might want to look at yourself and see where the real unhappiness sits. No one is saying you have to be BFFs with your co-workers, but to hate all 27 of them makes me think you have a few issues yourself. Work on your résumé, do some internal reflection and start pounding the pavement. If all else fails, go get laid, honey, because it sounds like you need a good screwin’!

 

Have an issue you’d like Ruthie to address? Email her at DearRuthie@Shepex.com, then watch for her answer in a future issue of “Hear Me Out.”