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Monday, March 10, 2014

Confessions: March 10

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  • My ex used to pressure me to find a guy for us to have a threesome with – after we broke up I told her the only guy I would have considered was my father.
  • I hate flowers; in my lifetime, people have only ever appeared with them at times of illness, grief or guilt.
  • I always trim my nose hairs before I go to the dentist.  Seems like the right thing to do.
  • My wife hates her post-baby body – but I am absolutely in love with all her curves.
  • I am not ashamed of my sexual past. But should I lie about it in order to donate blood?
  • I judge people based on their ringtones. That's the biggest reason I set my phone to vibrate in public places.
  • When I had no money for a bikini wax I started plucking my pubic hairs with tweezers and now I’m addicted.
  • I sometimes pretend I am a spy and try to follow people undetected. I am 43. It makes my errands more fun.
  • It always seems that the prettiest girls do the ugliest things.
  • When I’m in an elevator, I pretend that when the doors open I’ll be on the bridge of the Enterprise.