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Monday, Oct. 28, 2013

Confessions: Oct. 28

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  • Service is so poor these days.  Today I was in the men’s room at a restaurant that has one of those oh, so authoritarian signs on the door instructing, "Employees must wash hands after using the restroom."  Well, I waited for over 15 minutes, but nobody showed up.  So, I just washed them myself and snuck out before anyone could stop me.
  • I confess, I lied, I'm not an East side parking checker. I did it to get rise outta you!
  • I think it’s clear that girls who dress slutty for Halloween have severe “Daddy Issues”. You aren’t fooling anyone, sweetheart!
  • I made my little brother smoke his first cigarette when he was 11 years old. Now, 18 years later we has been diagnosed with lung cancer and I completely blame myself.
  • I am repulsed by “No Shave November” – men bring on the beards, but ladies, not shaving your legs is nasty!
  • To my “friend” who claims to be sleeping with my boyfriend – I’ve been meaning to tell both of you that I have HPV. Karma sure is a b*tch!
  • I told a guy in my building that I have amnesia so he'd stop talking to me. One night I walked in while he was in the lobby and I said "HEY FRANK! I'm actually a f**king  genius, I just don't like you!"
  • I recently retired after 37 years of teaching due how political the school system has become. I am now 60 years old and have no idea what to do with my life. I feel like I am starting over and it is absolutely terrifying not to know where my life is headed.
  •  I consistently wonder why my past bullies won't apologize for or acknowledge the way they treated me in school. Hearing "I don't remember acting like that" is starting to sound like repetitive bullshit. It also makes me think that I'm insane instead of just emotionally scarred by their words and actions.