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Monday, Oct. 14, 2013

Confessions: Oct. 14

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  • To the parking checker who hates liberals: You're a complete f**king idiot. No wonder the U.S.'s attitude is liberals vs. conservatives----people like you can't coexist, so you attack, like a bully.
  • I think I am happiest when I am alone, in bed with a great book.
  • It came as no surprise to me when you cancelled our plans this weekend. You try to come off as a good person, but the truth is you’re a selfish b*tch.
  • To the woman who wants to have an affair with her boss: Stop lying about being "happily married". No one believes you for a second.
  • It is the greatest struggle for me to delete voicemails from people who I care about – I want to have them forever in case they die, so I can hear their voice whenever I want.
  • The more I hear about my friends’ crappy marriages, the happier I am being single. It may suck being alone at night, but it’s better than sleeping next to someone who you despise.
  • The only friend I truly feel comfortable hanging out with is so difficult to be around because all he does is talk about politics. Just shut up!
  • To the person who allows him/herself to be a booty call: Wake the f**k up. If you don't want to be used, stop allowing the damn prick to use you!
  • The struggle between giving in to my own desires versus following my religious beliefs is making me physically sick. I cannot find the balance and it is scaring me to death.
  • I fake orgasms because the proud look on your face after we have sex is so adorable. It makes me glad to see you feel good about something.
  • Sometimes I wonder if I went missing how long it would take for anyone to notice.
  • I read the “Confessions” each week to remind myself just how good I have it, and I only wish all these people would get over their petty problems.
  • My wife and I have been separated for about 8 months. In January we would be celebrating our 28th wedding anniversary. My confession is that I still love her just as much now as I did then, and I am sorry for messing things up.