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Thursday, June 27, 2013

Chuck Shepherd's News Of The Weird

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Eye Opener

Chengdu, China, barber Liu Deyuan, 53, is one of the few who still provide traditional “eye shaving,” in which he holds the eye open and runs a razor across the lids’ inner surfaces. Then, using a thin metal rod with a round tip, he gently massages the inside of each lid. Liu told a reporter for the Chengdu Business Daily in April that he had never had an accident (though the reporter apparently could not be enticed to experience the treatment himself, preferring merely to observe), and a highly satisfied customer reported afterward that his eyes felt “moist” and his vision “clearer.” A local hospital official said eye shaving can scrape away scar tissue and stimulate the eyes to lubricate the eye sockets.

Latest Religious Messages

As part of his recent U.S. tour, the Dalai Lama, introduced to a University of Maryland audience by Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley, greeted the governor on stage by rubbing noses with him.

Questionable Judgments

  • Expectant North Carolina parents Adam and Heather Barrington (who is due in July) have disclosed that they will accept underwater midwifery from the Sirius Institute of Pahoa, Hawaii, which arranges for the mother to swim with dolphins pre- and post-natally. “It is about reconnecting as humans with the dolphins so we can…learn from one another,” said Heather. Said Adam: “Dolphins are very intelligent and healing, which…calms mother and baby.” Biologists writing for the Discovery Channel, however, reminded readers that underwater births are extraordinarily dangerous and that dolphins are “wild animals” that gang-rape other dolphins and “toss, beat and kill small porpoises.” Said another, the Barringtons’ plan is “possibly the worst idea ever.”

  • Local Governments at Work: (1) Washington, D.C., began registering its dogs this year by their primary breeds and, faced with many owners who claimed not to know their dog’s heritage, quixotically settled on the Mexican hairless dog, or "xoloitzcuintli" (pronounced "show-low-eats-QUEENT-lee," according to The Washington Post) as the breed that will be listed in city records for those dogs. An official said the decision might encourage owners to learn more about their dog's breed. (2) Of all the businesses that could fall out of favor with a local government, it was the restaurant Bacon Bacon that was shut down in May by the city of San Francisco—because of neighbors’ complaints about the smell! (The fragrance of bacon is widely experienced as entrancing all across America.) The restaurant has since found a new home.
  • More than 50 Iowa sex offenders have open-carry gun permits, thanks to a 2-year-old state law that requires any disapproving sheriff to demonstrate “probable cause” in advance that a sex offender will use a gun illegally in order to reject his application. Before that, a sheriff could use a sex offender’s previous felony conviction as sufficient cause. Said Washington County Sheriff Jerry Dunbar, “(J)ust the presence of a gun on a hip could be a threat to get [sex-crime victims] to cooperate.”

Least Competent Criminals

Dennis Gholston, 45, with outstanding traffic warrants in Pennsylvania, decided in May that, even though alone in his car, he could not resist using a high-occupancy vehicle lane (HOV) on the New Jersey Turnpike near Carteret. His decision was even less sound because, according to the officer who stopped him for the HOV violation, Gholston was hauling about $4,000 worth of heroin in the car, and he was charged with intent to distribute.

A News of the Weird Classic (December 2009)

But What If the Device Falls Into the Wrong Hands? Briton Ged Galvin, a man whose bowel was ruptured in a nearly catastrophic traffic accident, has been fitted with a bionic sphincter that opens and closes with a remote controller. Galvin had originally endured a 13-week hospital stay and had grown frustrated with using a colostomy bag until surgeon Norman Williams of the Royal London Hospital proposed the imaginative operation. Dr. Williams, who was interviewed along with Galvin for a November 2009 feature in London’s Daily Mail, wrapped a muscle transplanted from Galvin's leg around the sphincter and attached electrodes to tighten or loosen its grip.          
 
© 2013 CHUCK SHEPHERD  
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