We live in aninteresting time. In the past few years, many new resources for families ofgender-variant children and teens have emerged. At the same time, toys for kids have become more stereotypically gendered, sending a strong message at a veryearly age that there are only two “correct” ways to be gendered in our society.This makes it both easier and harder to support kids who don’t fit neatly intoeither the pink or the blue box.
Most childrenbegin to get a sense of their own gender between the ages of 3 and 5. In anenvironment that supports exploration and rejects the idea of rigidlyconstructed gender roles that are tied to biological sex, some kids may comeout as transgender, gender non-conforming, transsexual,or genderqueer at that time. However, people can comeout as trans* at any time—puberty (when gender rolesstart to be more rigidly enforced and physical changes can cause a crisis) andlate adolescence (when moving out of a family home or going to college can meangreater freedom and exposure to new communities and ideas) are other key timesfor young people as they develop their identities.
If you are aparent, family member or friend of a child or teen who is beginning to identifyas trans*, please know that this is a change for you too. You may be veryattached to and proud of the young person in your life as you already knowthem. You may have your own ideas about who this young person was going to growup to be. You may be afraid of the very real dangers that a trans* person stillhas to face in our society. You may find yourself mourning the loss of theyoung person that you thought you knew. These feelings and worries are all verynormal, and you have a right to feel them.
I encourageyou to take time to explore these feelings and come to terms with them, but todo it in a space that is separate from your gender-questing young person. Seeksupport and information for yourself, whether that’s through counseling, onlineforums or other resources, but offer unconditional support to your child orteen as they form their identity. Some of the resources below may be helpful toyou in this work.
In the pastyear, several books for children who have inclusive of different genderidentities have been published. S. Bear Bergman has published Backwards Day and The Adventures of Tulip, BirthdayWish Fairy through Flamingo Rampant Press. These books help kids understand trans*identity through fun stories and pictures. Cory Silverberg wrote What Makes A Baby, a book about conception and birth thatdoes not gender people or body parts, making it appropriate sex ed for bothtrans* parents and kids.
Recentlypublished books for parents and families include:
- Beam,Cris. Transparent: Love, Family, andLiving the T with Transgender Teenagers. Mariner Books, 2008.
- Ehrensaft,Diane. Gender Born, Gender Made: RaisingHealthy Gender-Nonconforming Children. The Experiment, 2011.
- Krieger,Irwin. Helping Your Transgender Teen: AGuide for Parents. Genderwise Press, 2011.
- Pepper,Rachel (ed.). Transitions of the Heart:Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and GenderVariant Children. Cleis Press, 2012.
- Whitley,Cameron T. and Eleanor A. Hubbard (eds.). Trans-Kin:A Guide for Family and Friends of Transgender People. Bolder Press, 2012.
Communityorganizations for trans* youth and their families include:
- Camp Aranu’tiqWeeklong, overnightsummer camp for transgender and gender-variant youth ages 8-15, with locationsin New England and California.
- Center for Gender, Sexualityand HIV Prevention, Lurie Children’s Hospital of ChicagoGender identity clinic focusing ontransgender and gender-variant children ages 13 and younger. Providesendocrinology, psychology and social services. Official launch mid-2013;already serving patients although website does not yet list specific info.
- FORGE (For Ourselves ReworkingGender Expression) Milwaukee-basedorganization that provides support for transgender individuals and theirsignificant others, friends, families and allies.
- Gay-Straight Alliance Network GSA Network publishes a free,downloadable resource for making schools safe for gender-non-conforming youth, Beyond the Binary: A Tool Kit for GenderIdentity Activism in Schools.
- Gender Spectrum Education, training and support to helpcreate a gender sensitive and inclusive environment for all children and teens.
- TransActive Non-profit in Oregon that provides education, advocacy andcounseling. Administers the “In A Bind” free binder exchange program for youth.
- Transgender Network (TNET) ofParents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) Promoteshealth and wellbeing of transgender persons, their families and friends.
- Trans Youth Family AlliesPartners with educators, servicesproviders and communities to develop supportive environments in which gendermay be expressed and respected.
Onlineresources for trans* youth and their families include:
- Laura’s Playground Online support groups for transgenderand transsexual teens and parents of transgender and transsexual kids.
- TransFamily Hosts listservs and provides informationand support.
- Trevor Space Free, monitored social and peernetworking site for LGBT youth ages 13-24.
- Washington DC Children’sNational Medical Center Contact pgroup@cnmc.org to join an email list for parents ofgender nonconforming children and teens.
- World Professional Associationfor Transgender Health Resource for locating therapists andother health care providers.
Laura Anne Stuart owns the Tool Shed, an eroticboutique on Milwaukee’s East Side. She has a master’s degree in public healthand has worked as a sexuality educator for more than fifteen years. Want Laurato answer your questions in SEXPress? Send them to laura@shepex.com. Not allquestions received will be answered in the column, and Laura cannot providepersonal answers to questions that do not appear here. Questions sent to thisaddress may be reproduced in this column, both in print and online, and may beedited for clarity and content.
