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Thursday, May 16, 2013

I Want to Become a Dominatrix

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I am interested in potentially becoming a dominatrix and would like to learn more about it. Would you be able to provide me with some information on somewhere I could go—like a local dungeon here in Milwaukee—to get more information?

I’m going to make an assumption that you are interested in becoming a professional dominatrix, meaning you would like to get paid to work with clients. You could mean that you want to take on a dominant role in your personal sexual relationships, and if that’s the case, some of the suggestions below will still apply.

I talked to two professional dominatrices who are based in other cities, but occasionally work in Milwaukee, to ask what their advice might be. Their suggestions for you are below.

“First, become a lifestyle Domme [e.g., start by assuming a dominant role in your personal sexual relationships –LAS]. In my opinion, you should have a true desire to engage in BDSM on a personal level before you do it as a pro. Although it looks very glamorous, it takes skills and a sizable investment in equipment and training to become a professional. I trained for over a year in one of the top dungeons in New York under experienced Mistresses who put me through the paces.

“In Milwaukee, there are no established professional dungeons to begin an apprenticeship. I suggest joining local munches and finding a lifestyle Mistress who will mentor a newbie in proper protocol. From there, once you are comfortable, move on to play parties and possibly a personal slave or two. If possible, attend national fetish conventions where there are classes and experienced Dommes who share their knowledge. Join fetish community sites like fetlife.com and collarme.com to mingle and network with other kinky individuals. The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom is a great resource as well.”

The second professional that I talked to agreed that good training and an apprenticeship are essential, and added, “There is one thing that's Milwaukee/Wisconsin specific: legal ramifications! The fines and/or jail time if you get arrested in Wisconsin are pretty harsh compared to Illinois (for example). Pro dom work is very much considered prostitution by law enforcement.” She suggested checking out the Max Fisch Pro Domina Guide and pointed out the low number of professionals listed in Wisconsin.

Like any job, becoming a professional dominatrix requires passion and aptitude for the work, training and skill acquisition, networking and dedication. It can often seem difficult for new folks to begin, so I hope the advice provided above gives you some good starting points and things to consider.

Laura Anne Stuart owns the Tool Shed, an erotic boutique on Milwaukee’s East Side. She has a master’s degree in public health and has worked as a sexuality educator for more than fifteen years. Want Laura to answer your questions in SEXPress? Send them to laura@shepex.com. Not all questions received will be answered in the column, and Laura cannot provide personal answers to questions that do not appear here. Questions sent to this address may be reproduced in this column, both in print and online, and may be edited for clarity and content.

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