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Thursday, Aug. 11, 2011

My First Sex Toy: Advice for Newbies

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I am trying to get a toy for my girlfriend, but we are both very new to this idea. What would be a good starter toy, in your opinion?

It's hard to provide a general answer to this, because everyone is different when it comes to what they find sexually pleasurable. That said, many women or couples that include at least one female partner start off with a small vibrator as their first toy. Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes and can be used to provide stimulation to any sensitive area of the body. Many women like using vibrators to stimulate the clitoris, either alone or with a partner. Vibes can also be used on the nipples, perineum (area between the vulva/testicles and the anus), inner thighs, neck, shaft of the penis, or any other place that floats your boat. Some vibes can be used for internal vaginal stimulation and some for internal anal stimulation (for anal use, they must have a flared or flanged base that will prevent them from slipping all the way inside the body).

Vibrators make a good first toy because they can be used on many different parts of the body (by both partners, if they each enjoy it!) and because adding a little extra clitoral buzzing can be very fun for a lot of women. Some women who find it hard to have an orgasm during sex with a partner discover that a vibrator provides just the kick they need to get over the top.

Contrary to popular belief, women do not necessarily want huge vibrators or toys that look like penises. The best-selling vibes in our store are tiny—not much bigger than a finger—and come in cute pink, purple or blue shapes. Both men and women find them non-intimidating, which is important if you are ever actually going to get around to using it. Pick something that you feel comfortable with!

Other factors to consider when picking out a first vibrator include its intensity (more or less power?), the material it is made out of (stick with non-toxic ABS plastic or silicone), whether it has one speed or multiple speeds, what kind of batteries it takes (some small vibes use hard-to-find watch batteries so be sure you know where you can get replacements if you choose one of these), and how noisy it is (some folks find loud buzzing very distracting at crucial moments). Price is also a factor; most folks will want to pick something in the $10-$30 range to start out, and there are plenty of good vibes available in that price range.

This is not to say that there is something wrong if your girlfriend wants, say, a butt plug or a pair of cuffs as her first toy instead of a vibrator. Just because small vibes are the most common choice does not mean they are the right choice for everyone. Talk about what kind of new sexual activities you'd both like to try, and go from there to see if you can find a toy to help you experiment. Also, you may pick out a toy to try and find that it isn't quite right. If that's the case, consider it a learning experience rather than a failure. What about the toy didn't you like? This information might help you pick out something you like better.
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