Sharing: Not Always As Easy As It Sounds
For readers who have not seen my previous article on pegging, which is a term usually used to describe sex between a female and a male partner where the female partner is using a dildo and harness to anally penetrate the male partner, you can read it here . A related column about using harnesses and dildos (often referred to as “straps” or “strap-ons”) can be found here.
The Share Petite, made by German sex toy manufacturer Fun Factory, is a double-ended dildo that is very popular with couples who are interested in pegging, because the end that is designed to penetrate a partner is quite small—little more than a finger's width and length. The other end is designed to be worn inside the vagina and is bulb-shaped to allow the PC (pelvic) muscles to firmly grip the toy and keep it in place. It sounds like this bulb is the end that's giving you trouble.
The Share series (there's also a Regular and an XL size) do have larger bulbs than other, similarly designed double dildos (like the Tantus Feeldoe or the Vixen Nexus). Some people like the larger bulb because they find it easier to keep inside the vagina or because it provides good G-spot stimulation when in place. Other people find that it's uncomfortably large or difficult to insert. Everyone's body is different, and your issue is definitely not unique; other female customers have told us that they find the Share bulb too big for them. Unfortunately, the Share Petite is the only double dildo that has a shaft end that is slender and good for beginning anal play, so there's not a lot of choice out there for folks interested in using a small double dildo for pegging, at least if you're limiting yourself to high-quality, 100% silicone toys.
Some suggestions about making the bulb end of the Share easier to insert:
- If you are not doing this already, use a good amount of water-based lubricant on the bulb and/or the entrance to the vagina before inserting. Start with a quarter-sized amount and apply more if needed.
- Try some foreplay before attempting to insert the Share. If your wife is aroused, it's likely that she will have more vaginal lubrication and more flexibility in her vaginal walls.
- Do some PC muscle exercises (commonly called "Kegels"). If your wife has stronger or more-toned PC muscles, it may be easier for her to insert and hold the Share in place. Read a column that I wrote about PC muscle exercises here.
- Experiment with different positions when inserting the Share. For instance, your wife might find it easier to insert the bulb end while lying on her back with her knees bent, or while crouching.
You aren't doing anything wrong; as I said, everyone's body is different, and you don't know how things are going to feel until you try. If you try some of these suggestions and find that the Share Petite still doesn't work for you, there are several different styles of harnesses that allow you to use two different dildos simultaneously, with one being worn on the inside of the harness (penetrating the person wearing the harness) and the other worn on the outside, ready to penetrate a partner. With this option, you can choose two separate dildos that fit both of you perfectly. If you need more information about this option, please write again!
Want Laura to answer your questions in SEXpress? Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org. Not all questions received will be answered in the column, and Laura cannot provide personal answers to questions that do not appear here. Questions sent to this address may be reproduced in this column, both in print and online, and may be edited for clarity and content.
Laura Anne Stuart has a master's degree in public health and has worked as a sexuality educator for more than a decade. She owns the Tool Shed, an erotic boutique on Milwaukee's East Side.