Video Game Reviews: Dead Space: Severed, Bulletstorm and BabyMaker Extreme 2
Dead Space 2: Severed
7.5 out of 10
All Gabe wants to do is save his wife. There's an outbreak—the entire downloadable mission takes place before Dead Space 2—and some crazy stuff is going down but thankfully, Gabe is a trained soldier with a tricked-out machine gun who isn't afraid of the terrifying monsters who jump out of nowhere.
I am, though. Especially when playing this game in surround sound, and even though most of the mission—just like the game—is full of "monster closets," it's still a scary good time.
Only don't expect much of a story. And I loves me some story, so I was a little disappointed. Whenever I heard Gabe's wife over the comm. system running for her life with dozens of other people, I couldn't help but wonder: how about putting Gabe with other people? How cool would that be, instead of wandering through scary hallways yet again?
Still worth the download.
7.0 out of 10
I guess I'm getting old. Toilet humor? Just doesn't do it for me. In order for toilet humor to hit a chord with me, it's gotta be something special. This game just didn't have that special something. But maybe it will for you. After all, you get to play a Confederate space pirate who crash-lands on a planet to do some serious damage, and you get the guns necessary to do it. On top of that, you get to play through some pretty crazy environments and bosses and the graphics are really nice.
It's actually a pretty original story, but I couldn't really get past the notion that maybe I'm a little too old for this game, which scares me, but maybe that shouldn't scare you, though. Especially if you like shooting people in the crotch and getting wild sorts of "combos" that make you feel good about yourself.
Nothing against that sort of thing, but everything combined just turned me off for some reason. It's strange, I know, and you should definitely give the game a shot if you like first-person shooters.
Baby Maker Extreme 2
3.0 out of 10
Before downloading this game, I saw a screenshot and it looked pretty bad. But I was optimistic—clearly, based on the name, there was going to be some sort of copulating involved and ... wait a minute, didn't I just say in the last review that I hated most toilet humor?
Well, it turns out there's no sex involved. Not that I played through, anyway. The truth is I struggled right from the get-go with this one. See, the game starts innocently enough: you, the baby, are birthed from a woman in the waiting room (and in order to accomplish this, you have to push the B button repeatedly). From there, you're catapulted toward the ceiling.
Now I know what you're thinking: this game is sick. A baby flying out of a (concealed) vagina, then hitting the ceiling? It gets crazier. Because it's your job to literally control the baby and bounce it off various objects instead of touching the ground.
Bounce, bounce bounce. What is the purpose of this? No clue. What is the storyline? Well, I guess you don't want to touch the dirty hospital floor.