Take last week. Soccer'sWorld Cup showed that in "the beautiful game," high excitement comeswith low scoring. The NBA championship was decided in a Game 7 that the Los Angeles Lakers didn'tso much win as survive. And the U.S.Open was claimed by an unknown Irishman as three of golf's superstarsblundered.
The Observers, nostrangers to struggling at the lowest levels of sports, were fascinated.
Frank: Last week you said of the World Cup, "If these arethe best players, why can't they put the ball in the net?" Change it to"hole" and you've got Sunday at the Open. Every year they staggerthrough the final day until somebody misses one fewer gut-wrenching putt andgets the trophy.
Artie: At least they have scores in the 70s, not the vast rangefrom "nil" to one. And in the Open, the authorities make toughcourses even tougher. Soccer doesn't have a winding field with high grass andsand pits.
Frank: The U.S. Golf Association didn't catch hell over Pebble Beachthis year, but sometimes it seems really eager to humble the players.
Artie: The idea is that par is everything, and to break it byeven one stroke should require a masterful four days.
Frank: Missionaccomplished. Graeme McDowell won at dead even and Tiger Woods, Ernie Els andPhil Mickelson will relive missed chances in their nightmares. And the USGA,like FIFA in soccer, can say, "We showed ’em who's boss."
Artie: Those FIFA guys must be super-arrogant. "Replays? Wedon't need to look at no stinkin' replays!" Seems like every goal has adebate over whether a guy was offside or smacked the ball with his arm.
Frank: Not quite every one, but Sunday replays showed a couplewere tainted. To say nothing of a couple of crucial "dives,"including one where an Ivory Coast player was nudged in the chest by aBrazilian and flopped down clutching his face. The ref was conned and theBrazilian was ejected. Totally bogus!
Artie: What about the screwing the U.S.team got on what should have been the winning goal against Slovenia?Cripes, our guys are getting tackled but this ref saw a foul on us?
Frank: And FIFA, as always, refused to make the ref explainhimself.
Artie: I think he saw the ball in the net and said, "Thatisn't supposed to happen! There must be a violation."
Frank: Well, that 2-2 score was the only one in the first 31games in which both teams tallied more than one. Ten of the first 31 ended 0-0or 1-0, and only five teams got above 2. It took the 30th game, Portugal's 7-0 rout of North Korea, toget the average of total goals per game over 2.
Artie: Speaking of deuces, where were they in that Lakers-CelticsGame 7? In fact, over the last two games the Lakers averaged 86 points and Boston 73. I thought,"Did Dr. Naismith appear and put peach baskets up instead of the normal hoops?"The finale was like a high-school game from 1965.
Frank: I ignored the NBA Finals until the second half of Game 7.But I was riveted by the intensity of the defense on both sides. They playedtheir guts out, and it was beautiful in its own way.
Artie: Yeah, but strange. Bostongot away from its big strength, Rajon Rondo pushing things upcourt. It lookedlike those slug-it-out series between the Knicks and Miami in the ’90s.
Frank: Jeff Van Gundy was doing the TV; maybe he flashed onAlonzo Mourning and had to be restrained from wrapping himself around someone'sankles. But those NBA guys have nothing on the World Cup when it comes tomugging. Our own Clint Dempsey, talking about the disallowed goal, admitted hewas wrestling on virtually every "set piece"—just not that one.�
Artie: I wondered whether Vince McMahon was in charge of FIFA,too. I half-expected to see a guy get slammed by a folding chair when the ref'sback was turned. Hey, how's my championship pick, Cameroon, doing?
Frank: Lost to Japanand Denmarkand can't reach the second round.
Artie: Once again, I'm "The Cooler." I cooled theCeltics by hating them a bit less than I hate the Lakers.
Frank: I'm sick of Kobeand Phil, too. But in the ’60s I rooted desperately for the Lakers of Jerry Westand Elgin Baylor to finally beat the insufferable Red Auerbach and Co.
Artie: West won a title but never beat Boston. And Baylor retired just before theLakers' won in ’72.
Frank: Speaking of rooting, I never heard of Mr. McDowell beforeSunday but I sure was pulling for him on the final hole.
Artie: Of course. He's an Irishman, ain'a?
Frank: Well, from the Brit part of the island. But he has thattypical Irish friendliness. Walking the 18th fairway NBC rushed a camera up tohim and he smilingly said, "It's fun, right?"
Artie: Then he took those final two putts quick and smooth. Otherguys would stand over ’em and give themselves the yips.
Big, Bigger and…
Frank: Armageddon didn't arrive for the Big 12 and Big Eastconferences after all. The Big 12 lost Nebraskato the Big Ten and Colorado to the Pacific 10,but survived by telling Texas,"You'll still be top dog in conference TV payouts and if you want to startyour own network, go ahead."
Artie: Which kept Oklahomaand Texas A&M from bolting with the Longhorns to either the Pac-10 or theSoutheastern Conference. They'll get bigger shares of TV money, and the otherseven members—they're happy to still have a home.
Frank: Meanwhile, the Big Ten seems happy enough to get to 12members, which means two divisions and a football championship game that willdraw big dough from ESPN/ABC.
Artie: To go with the big dough—like $22 million per school—thatcomes from the Big Ten Network already. Of course if Notre Dame had beenwilling to join up, all hell might still have broken loose.
Frank: The Pac-10 also added Utah to get to 12 teams. And Boise State,expecting the Big 12 to die, jumped from the WAC to the Mountain West—then saw Utah's exit reduce theMountain West's cachet again.
Artie: So a year from now the Big 12 will have 10 teams and theBig Ten will have 12.
Frank: The only numbers that matter are the households in the TVmarkets your conference can grab. Why was Rutgers on the Big Ten's radar? It'sjust down the road from New York.
Artie: For now, the Big East stays intact for non-footballschools like Marquette and DePaul. By the way, did you notice that no one inany of these switches said a stinkin' word about basketball?
Frank: The Journal Sentinelran a front-page story a few weeks ago that said Big Ten expansion "likelywill hinge on location and academics."
Artie: Academics? Do they think "The GE College Bowl"is back on TV? Gimme a break.
Frank: Besides, how much of the $22 million in TV money goes toacademics? Precious little, I'll bet. These athletic departments areself-sustaining corporations that happen be affiliated to universities.
Artie: Getting that extra $22 million sure didn't keep UW fromraising tuition for next year another 5.5%.
Frank: So we don't have the four 16-team mega-conferences someexpected. But in a year or two the pieces will get shuffled again.
Artie: Fine by me. The games will be on TV and I'll watch them—aslong as it doesn't cost me a premium fee on my cable bill.�
